“Silence is just another word for pain. Don’t let anyone rent space in your emotions or mind unless they are a good tenant.”
The feelings are powerful emotions that are often stuffed down and numbed into what you think is oblivion. When you have experienced a life altering event, the last thing you want to do is tell someone about it. You don’t even want to think about it because to do so is to relive that awful event over again. However, when you stuff those emotions down, you are slowly losing your power and energy to survive. The one who inflicted the pain is winning through our silence.
Your life is special and something to be held as sacred. When you don’t treat your physical body and emotions with care particularly when you are faced with challenges, the effects from ignoring the signs begin to surface. You brush them away with thoughts like, “I can handle this,” “buck up,” or “if I show how strong I am, no one will notice what I am really feeling.” Plastering a smile on your face while dying inside is not natural. And you are really not hiding. People who know you are noticing the drastic change in your behavior. Emotional changes are what people begin to notice:
- Isolation by pushing friends away.
- Unnatural weight loss.
- Having a negative attitude.
- Maybe drinking more.
- Crying more.
- Eating more.
What can we do to push past our fear and hiding into transparency and freedom?
One thing you can do is create an arsenal to help you cope with those feelings and free you from unrequited silence. I understand that it may seem easier said than done. You have a valid reason to feel the way you do. This is some heavy stuff for which you weren’t given a manual. But when you have the keys to help unlock your freedom, I know you will use them as I did.
1. Understanding the personalities of drama is a start.
When you are able to put a name on the cause it helps tremendously. I talked about these last month — Intimidator, Interrogator, Aloof and Poor Me/Victim.
Much of our stress is a result of mechanisms that we have learned to use to cope as we developed into adulthood. (A special note: Being sheltered from the realities of life is not helpful either. As parents we want to protect our children, but that can backfire. You want your children to be informed adults when they enter the world at large. This happened to me growing up and I found myself in a couple of unpleasant situations. Obviously I survived, but those were hard lessons learned.)
2. Don’t take responsibility for something that is clearly not yours.
You do this by learning to “not take it personal.” This concept originated from Don Miguel Ruiz in the Four Agreements. One of the interpretations — It is leaving the harmful act in the hands of the offender. Don’t accept what isn’t yours to own.
3. Don’t give up your boundaries.
A big fear with boundaries is how will they affect the relationships you have? If they are authoritative, do they still apply? The answer is a resounding YES! No matter who or what the situation is, if you are not comfortable (in a warm place) with the request, don’t do it.
4. Trust your voice.
Establish a vocabulary of words that makes sure your needs are met in whatever situation you find yourself. Don’t be afraid of what someone else thinks if it means keeping you unharmed, safe and healthy. Be true to you and your trusted relationships — most people will appreciate and respect your candor if properly presented. When this happens you are secure and you feel the love saturating the place of trust.
5. Listen to your inner voice.
Your voice calling for change is probably nagging you in the core of your being. Your true self is calling to you to come back to life. Acknowledge your need for help. Find ways to reverse the harmful way you have medicated yourself for comfort.
The emotional strain placed on our body system often goes without recognition. Your physical energy must be maintained to stay in balance. Your energy system is fragile, therefore, you are always in a delicate state of balance. Anything that causes your emotions to move from love – your true state of being – is when imbalance or illness begins to set in.
As I said earlier, these steps may be easier said than done, but you have it in you to pull yourself up out of the muck.
These strategies have been a part of my arsenal for a very long time. I can help equip you with the solutions you need to properly cope that will last a life time.
Contact me by clicking here