Busting Myths About Boundaries

What’s the saying?

               Good fences make good neighbors.

It’s no secret that I advocate for setting and honoring boundaries as part of a self-care practice. It’s important because many of us who are “givers” by nature, can and will give until we’ve nothing left.

Boundaries are an important way to support others. It may feel counter-intuitive that loving and caring for the people in your life works best when you have clearly defined boundaries. It’s a common misunderstanding.

A few myths and explanations will help.

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Myth: Boundaries push others away.  The best relationships can be formed when you are clear about and honor your own thoughts and feelings. It also helps you extend that understanding to others. You can be connected without losing your sense of self.

Myth: Love has no boundaries.  Saying “I love you” doesn’t mean that I have to ignore my needs to support yours. Tough love is often used to describe honoring what we know is right, like refusing to financially support a family member with addiction issues or allowing a partner to verbally abuse us when they have a bad day.

Myth: Only selfish people have boundaries. Emotionally healthy people understand how to give from an open heart and a generous spirit. That means they also know when they are not in a place to support others – in other words, they have boundaries in place to ensure that they maintain their emotional health making sure they can continue to help and support the people closest to them.

Boundaries are the emotional and mental limits that allow us to have healthy relationships. Simply put; boundaries tell others what’s okay and what’s not okay. When we honor those limits, we show others that we can be trusted to honor ourselves and that we also know how to honor them as well.

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. We can’t base our own worthiness on others’ approval (and this is coming from someone who spent years trying to please everyone!). Only when we believe, deep down, that we are enough can we say “Enough!”

Brené Brown

Learning how to establish and honor boundaries is an important part of the Soul Success System. If you’d like to discuss how to establish healthy limits in your life, this is a great place to start.